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How To Plan A Wedding When Your Soon-To-Be Spouse Is In The Military


Planning a wedding when your fiancé is in the military comes with its own special challenges. Knowing ahead of time what to expect will definitely ease your tensions. How do I know? I was in the same situation 22 years ago. In this blog I’m sharing some of my tips and experiences that I have learned as well as tips from a few military sites. You may be having to plan the wedding when your fiancé is deployed. The distance doesn’t mean the wedding will be anything less than magical, it just means that it may be a little more challenging to bring to fruition.


Being introduced to the military life is quite a change from civilian life! There are many things that are done differently. Military spouses are ready to accept the challenge!


The first thing you need to consider is whether or not you are planning your wedding to be military style or civilian style. Now my husband was active-duty reserve at that time when we were planning a wedding and he wasn’t assigned to working on a base, however he worked at a military established building unit. We planned our wedding simply as a civilian wedding but did utilize the Officer’s Club for our reception. And yes, he and his dad wore their Army formals. You absolutely do not have to plan your wedding military style. You and your fiancé will decide that when you start planning. Since we had our wedding civilian style, I can only give you our experience. I recommend contacting your fiancé’s unit Chaplain to discuss how to go forward with a military style wedding if that is what you and your fiancé wish.



You’ve probably learned by now that military life is filled with unpredictable schedules. Your service member may have no idea where they will be stationed a year from now. They can’t just take vacation days when they want to. They will have to request leave and have that leave approved by their chain of command, which makes it impossible to get married on a date when they are training, in school, or on deployment. To ease your stress, one thing I recommend is a short engagement. Military families don’t have the luxury of planning a wedding two years’ out because you never know where you will be living two years down the road. When my husband was in the military (he is currently retired after 24 years of service), we moved and relocated to another state typically every year and a half. We were very fortunate to live in one area for three years. We became engaged in January and our wedding was in May. Four months to plan a wedding. I was always a do-it-yourselfer so I took charge of most of the planning. It worked out fine! Now, doing it yourself may not be for you. I will say that it had me in a whirlwind so if you are feeling overwhelmed, hire a wedding planner. They can take so many stresses off your plate when planning the wedding. Wedding planners have many options such as Day Of, full wedding package, or even just handling particular items on your to-do list.


I’ve listed below some top tips to get you started on your wedding planning and start your married life in the military with a smile on your face.


1) When hiring vendors, be sure they are savvy to email, internet and phone. If your spouse is deployed or away at training, you want your vendors to be able to Facetime or Skype, email or phone conference them in to keep them in the loop.

2) Purchase wedding insurance. Wedding insurance can reimburse you should the wedding be cancelled or postponed due to deployments, trainings, relocation, etc. There are many options out there so take your time choosing the right one that will give you protection should you get into a situation and need your money back.


3) Along the line of insurance, ask your vendors if they have a military clause in their contract. If not, request to have one in there. The military clause in general will protect you should there be a deployment or move that your spouse will require you to cancel/postpone the wedding. It will allow you to gain your non-refundable deposit back or at least part of it. There is a federal law, The Service Member's Civil Relief Act (SCRA), which allows you to terminate certain lease agreements based on military service. You may be eligible for this benefit under certain circumstances. If your vendor will not agree to add a military clause in your contract, they may not the right vendor for you.


3) Sit down with your fiancé to discuss your desires for the wedding so if there is a time during the planning that he/she is not available, you can make decisions for both of you based on what you have discussed. I have learned as a military spouse that the military can scoop up your fiancé at any time without much notice.


4) Talk to your vendors about a military discount. In all the years I have been a military spouse, I have learned to ask for a military discount for everything. Why not? You will earn it, believe me. Military life means sacrificing for your country. Now I’m not saying that you should feel entitled to special treatment, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. In wartime everyone was giving military discounts, now it is not so prevalent so just ask and see.

5) Stay in a positive mindset. There may be times during your wedding planning that your military fiancé may not be available for some of the pleasures in planning a wedding such as the cake tasting, venue tours, food tastings. At these times missing him/her will seem more apparent. Reach out to your support system; family, friends, Chaplain, etc. and lean on them.


Being a military spouse is an adventure, it takes you to places and cities you have never seen, it pushes you to be independent and self-reliant, and it strengthens your relationship making you stronger as a couple and individually. I felt lucky to become a part of it and become an Army Wife. My husband of 21 years is now retired from the military. We have experienced so much and have gained so many strengths as a couple in the military. The big word of the day is flexibility. Things are ever changing in the military and when you “go with the flow” per se, you will find yourself much happier and less stressed.



This photo is my husband and myself on our wedding day. 👩‍❤️‍👨 A successful story. It can be yours.


Congratulations on your future endeavor as a military spouse. It is something to be proud of.


Design My Cake by Patty is a military friendly wedding cake bakery and designer. Get your wedding cake journey started today right here by completing our Wedding Cake Inquiry Form.


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Do you have a military wedding story to share? We would love to hear it! Comment below to share your story.



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